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Entries posted by Edgar Allan McAbe
Thousands attend knob tossing event

Thousands attend knob tossing event

Thousands of people flocked to Dorset today for their annual knob throwing contest. In Dorset a knob isn’t the same as it is for you and I, it’s a spherical biscuit which can sometimes resemble a bell-end. Once a year the good folk of Cattistock organise a knob throwing contest to see who can toss […]

Scorpion found in supermarket bananas

A female shop assistant got a bit of a scare this week when she found a venomous scorpion skittering about between the bananas. Angela Parren spotted the predatory arthropod as she stacked fruit at a supermarket in Cornwall. It’s believed the creature, later identified as a juvenile black edged scorpion, stowed away with the bananas […]

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Former vet receives ten year sentence for killing a man by shoving an electric toothbrush up his anus

Former vet Kirk Thompson has been sentenced to ten years in gaol after being found guilty of killing a man during an extreme sadomasochistic sex session. Newcastle Crown Court heard how 43-year-old David Kochs had died from severe internal injuries caused by 46-year-old Thompson buggering him with a metal bar, items of food, and an […]

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Mark Goddard amputates his own hand with homemade guillotine

44-year-old Mark Goddard from Devon has gone to extreme measures after the NHS refused to amputate his hand. Mr. Goddard says he has suffered for 16 years with agonising and excruciating nerve pain in his hand, following a motorbike accident. Despite desperate pleas his doctors have always refused to amputate the hand. Mr. Goddard, believing […]

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Old woman promotes sperm facials

67-year-old granny, Stella Ralfini, says the secret to her youthful complexion is thanks to her lover giving her regular blasts of his bollock-batter in the face. Stella, who’s based in London, is some sort of sex therapist and tantric sex guide. According to her recent YouTube video Stella says she discovered a popular oriental beauty […]

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Huge ugly spider jumps out of woman’s backpack

A charity worker returning to London from Cameroon has unwittingly brought a massive great huntsman spider into the country. 32-year-old Nora Serrat returned to Britain this week after spending a few weeks in the Cameroonian rainforest, working with the Rainforest Foundation UK. After her stint making the world a better place she returned home to […]

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Owner of dead dog bollocked for dialling 999

North West Ambulance Service NHS Trust are seething this weekend after they received an emergency call for a dead dog. An insensitive and uncaring paramedic raced to an address in Preston, Lancashire after a 999 call reported a ‘male having a fit.’ But when the medic arrived at the address they were confronted by a […]

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Teenager dials 999 after getting stuck behind a wardrobe and scared by a spider

A 17-year-old A-level student from Brighton has made a complete dick of himself this week after calling the police to ask them to save him from a spider. Reece Thomas was eventually freed from behind his wardrobe by three firefighters, after Sussex Police successfully back-heeled the 999 call to East Sussex Fire and Rescue. The […]

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Darlington’s pink pigeon

Residents in Darlington are on the lookout for a bright pink pigeon. At first glance one might assume that the dickie-bird in our photo is an exotic breed from a tropical rainforest. But on closer inspection the twitchers amongst us can easily identify the bird as a common or garden urban pigeon. The cause for […]

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Hot woman sets chilli eating record

A bit of hot totty from Poland has set a new record for eating super searing hot naga chilli. To celebrate National Chilli Day the staff at Saffron Bangladeshi and Nepalese restaurant in Northampton devised their own chilli challenge using fiery naga chillies imported from Bangladesh. In order to complete the challenge contestants were required […]

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