Win some delicious cubed earwax and snot jam

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Cubed earwax, thickest human snot, and brain jam

We know our discerning readers like to put some strange things in their mouths, over the years we’ve given away weasel poo coffee, chocolate anuses, and a whole host of bottles of booze containing a selection of bugs from scorpions to earthworms. So we’re always on the look out for the next bizarre delicacies we can give away.

Try as we might we sadly failed in our bid to get hold of a bottle of Korean Poo Wine in time for this months prize draw give-it-away. But we did manage to obtain some mouth-watering delights produced by Hoxton Street Monster Supplies in London.

Popular with monsters these days are preserves made from human snot and brains, and chewy toffees produced from freshly harvested earwax. We’ve obtained a couple of jars of the grisly sounding preserves, brain jam and thickest human snot. The brains are mushed and mashed into a delicious raspberry tasting gloop, and the yellowy, runny snot tastes a lot like lemon curd! The first prize package also contains a full box of chewy cubes of earwax, harvested from unsanitary jug-eared humans. The tasty little cubes resemble clotted cream fudge in every way.

Five runners-up will each receive a whole bar of impacted earwax to enjoy at their leisure. If for any reason you don’t think you could stomach a dollop of snot or brains on your crumpets, we think these prizes would be just the ticket for little sods banging on the door next month demanding “trick or treat.”

To enter the draw simply fill in the form below and click submit! It couldn’t be any chuffin’ easier!

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Cubed earwax