Michelle Mone betrays mankind

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Filed under: UK News |

Luisana Lopilato

After years of producing sexy lingerie and push-up bras to titillate lucky husbands and boyfriends across the country underwear tycoon Michelle Mone has stabbed British men in the back with her brand new product, a breast reduction cream.

Scotswoman Mone launched designer lingerie brand Ultimo in 1999 and since then treated us to a gush of fit celebrity endorsements. Everyone from Kelly Brook to Peaches Geldof, with practically all of Rod Stewart’s conquests and offspring in between have modelled the saucy undies over the past decade. Current Ultimo golden girl is Argentine beauty Luisana Lopilato, wife of singer Michael Bublé, but how razzed-off will the Bublé be if his hot wife starts buying Mone’s titty-shrinking ointment?

“I always listen to the needs of my customers and many women I have spoken to would love to reduce their bust size.” Mone said to try and justify her wicked new product.

“A breast reduction is a major operation and I believe this wonder product is a great alternative.”

The wonder cream in question is called Boobs- and hit the shelves in Boots the Chemist today priced at roughly forty quid. Mone promises that the cream once liberally rubbed all over the boobies will reduce them by a cup-size. A sad day indeed for big-boob lovers.

But all is not lost! Also as part of the brand new USculpt range is Boobs+, a similar yet polar opposite application which once smothered on your wife or girlfriend’s whamdanglers will hopefully have the complete opposite effect. Boobs+ promises to re-plump, lift and firm as it assists in volumising the bust for more voluptuous, curvier contours. Now any woman caught trying to reduce their chudleighs by using Boobs- can have their plans scuppered if their quick thinking spouses purchase bottles of Boobs+ and switch the labels. Simply throw the ninny-reducing lotion in the bin and replace with the whammer-enlarger, you can even volunteer to rub it in.

Leave a comment below or join the predictably juvenile discussion on our forum: Ultimo founder betrays us with titty-shrinking cream

And don’t forget to check out loads of images of the celebrity Ultimo hotties in their sexy lingerie: Ultimo Underwear

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