Happy New Year!

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Happy New Year dear Morningstarr* readers and welcome to 2012, a year which promises to be your last. Yes according to some old Mayan calendar we’ll not see another new year, so I hope you all did plenty of celebrating last night.

2011 was another good year here at Morningstarr* Towers, we have a record number of new readers, and I’ve just been going back through our records to find the biggest stories from the past 12 months to see what everyone was viewing so eagerly. Here is the countdown of the top nine stories of 2011:

#9 Man with air hose up his rectum expands like a balloon

58,656 views
Steven McCormackBack in May poor old Steven McCormack from New Zealand hit the news when he accidentally had a high-pressure airline jammed up his bunghole anus and blew up like a Bond villain in a shark pool.

“I felt the air rush into my body and I felt like I was going to explode,”

“You just have to burp it out, or fart it out.”

Kananga should have given trumping some consideration, perhaps.

#8 Kelly Brook’s beaver

75,192 views

Kelly BrookWell who’d have believed it? Nudie photos showing huge-knockered honey Kelly Brook totally stark-bollock naked were extremely popular in 2011!

If any of you dirty devil’s still want a glimpse of Kelly’s neatly-trimmed bush the full (NSFW) gallery can be found here: Kelly Brook nude gallery

#7 The world’s largest scrotum?

81,939 views

Wesley WarrenWe don’t know for sure whether it is officially the world’s largest nutsack, but at 100lb it can’t be very far off.

Poor old Wesley Warren Jr. from Las Vegas became known for being a real life Buster Gonad in October of last year when the hapless soul appeared on the Howard Stern show begging for money to pay for testicle surgery to reduce the size of his enormous gonad-satchel and save his penis.

#6 Penis-shaped fruits

86,216 views

Penis passion fruitIn March last year a plucky old dear from Brazil was showing off the remarkable fruits she’d managed to grow on her orchard.

With no sign of Esther Rantzen reprising the That’s Life! odd-shaped fruit feature we had no option but to publish the penis-shaped fruit photos ourselves.

#5 Man dies after rats eat his penis

116,064 views

RatThis is still quite a new story, on Christmas Day we reported the shocking story of Arun Sandhukh who died whilst being treated in an Indian hospital. His family had come to visit him as he received treatment for pneumonia, but they found him dying in a puddle of blood after rats gnawed-off his fleshy organ!

“No nurse was found at the scene and he was writhing in pain. His penis had been nibbled by rats”

#4 Woman has a huge snake living inside her

118,573 views

AnacondaIn July we heard the incredible story of 50-year-old Rasheedan Bibi from Pakistan. Rasheedan had gone to her doctor thinking she was pregnant, but an ultrasound scan revealed that a small snake she had accidentally swallowed months previously had grown into a massive serpent entwined with her innards!

There’s been no further news on Rasheedan since the summer, we don’t know whether she still has the snake inside her, they surgically removed it, or she eventually just shat it out.

#3 Hayley Atwell’s bra

130,091 views

Hayley AtwellHayley Atwell was a very popular young lady in 2011. The 29-year-old British hottie starred in one of the summer’s biggest blockbuster movies, Captain America.

During her promotion of the film Hayley did a red-hot sexy photo-shoot for Esquire magazine, where you could get a proper good look at her bra!

You can see the full gallery at this link: Hayley Atwell shows off her bra

#2 Hayley Atwell’s smashing knockers

145,730 views

Hayley Atwell's smashing knockersAnd the fun continued, the lovely Hayley was also in our second most popular story of 2011!

Just days after the hot photo-shoot for Esquire, Hayley appeared at the Captain America premiere in Los Angeles and did a grand job of making sure all eyes were on her, and her smashing knockers.

Check out all the images here: Hayley Atwell displays her smashing knockers at Captain America premiere

#1 Teenager masturbates to death

217,663 views

BrazilAnd it seems Hayley was kept off the top spot by a wanker.

We don’t know whether Haley and her smashing knockers were connected in any way, it is possible, but in September 2011 unconfirmed reports from Brazil claimed that a 16-year-old boy wanked himself to death after tugging his tallywhacker a deadly 42 times in a row — without taking sufficient rest breaks.

Since the story broke there has been a substantial amount of controversy over whether the story is genuine, and whether masturbating 42 times in a row is even possible. It seems reasonable to think that if people doubt the capability of being able to masturbate 42 times in a row, just think of the awful consequences if someone did manage such a feat. Food for though, as we await our impending doom.

Tell us what your favourite news story of 2011 was in the comments section below.

Cubed earwax