Deformed teen seeks help

A hugely disfigured teenager from Colombia has travelled to the US to have his ugly mush repaired.

17-year-old Michael Herreno is blighted with an enormously overgrown and deformed ‘Albert Tatlock’ conk. Michael’s nose has become a tangled mess of knotted veins, his unsightly condition not only decreases his chances of procreation, but also threatens his eyesight and even his life.

As Michael’s bulbous beak continues to expand it’s effecting his sight, and Michael says his nasal passages are closing up, which is effecting his breathing.

Doctor’s in Michael’s native Colombia have given up trying to save him, they say they are impotent in the face of his engorged shnozzle. Luckily rich doctors in Miami have agreed to foot the $80,000 bill of saving Michael’s life, but they aren’t promising to transform him into a matinee idol.

“I’m not sure we will ever get him exactly normal,” said Dr. Seth Thaller of the University of Miami Health System.

“We should be able to improve him but as far as getting him a normal nose, that will be a challenging endeavour.”

Michael explained that his snout began swelling when he was just three-years-old, initially he thought it was a mosquito bite, but it just never stopped growing. The red-blooded teenager is hoping that once the surgery is completed he’ll be able to get some tail.

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