Bear Attacks Woman In Her Own Home

by Earl Morningstarr

An unnamed woman in Aspen, Colorado has been attacked in her home by an angry black bear.

Authorities say the bear opened an unlocked door and and wandered into the woman’s house, when the woman found the bear she began screaming and that is when the bear attacked her. The woman survived with just lacerations to her back and chest.

After the bear lashed out at her the woman ran upstairs and called 911. The bear remained in the house, possibly looking for jars of honey, porridge or picnic baskets, until the police arrived and it swiftly scarpered. And with good reason, the police believe that this particular bear is a serial burglar who has broken into several homes in the area in the past few weeks.

If apprehended the bear faces standard execution. Probably at the hands of one of those gurning idiots in our image.

Comment

Read All Comments

Leave a comment:

FEATURES AND ARTICLES

Arse Wiping ~ A Brief History
Anyone remember Izal? The tracing paperesque bog roll which smeared rather than cleared excrement from the bunghole and felt like a demon kissing your anus?

Speak Your Brains
Have your say in our superb forum.

Competition
This month The Morningstarr* is giving away a swearing turtle!

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR LATEST NEWS HEADLINES VIA EMAIL

SIGNUP FOR EMAIL DELIVERY HERE:

POP CULTURE NEWS

Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s Xander Tasered By Cops
Actor Nicholas Brendon, who played Xander Harris in Buffy the Vampire Slayer was arrested by police in California today after they tasered him twice.

Summer Glau Joins ‘The Cape’
Summer Glau, star of Firefly, The Sarah Connor Chronicles and Dollhouse has been signed up to play a lead role in NBC’s new superhero show The Cape.

Watch Kate Nash’s Brand New Video
Kate Nash is back on the music scene with a brand new album set for release next month.

Bear Attacks Woman In Her Own Home

THE MORNINGSTARR* © 2006-2010