Severed Penis Update

by Edgar Allan McAbe

Contrary to yesterday’s report that an unnamed man in Wantage cut off his own penis with a knife whilst drunk, the Telegraph has this morning identified the man as 54 year old carpenter Stuart Keen and they say a saw was used and not a knife.

According to the Telegraph the statement given by Thames Valley Police was inaccurate, Mr Keen was intoxicated but he was using a saw to perform a DIY task at his home workshop at around two o’clock in the morning when the accidental castration occurred. The paper quote Mr Keen’s elderly mother, Edna who told them:

“Stuart had a very nasty accident with a saw but he is recovering now.

“He suffered tissue damage and had surgery to stitch him up which, I understand, was successful.

“I have spoken to him and he is quite embarrassed about the whole incident. I was in Somerset when it happened and got a call from the hospital.

“Hopefully he will be home next week and be able to get back to work which he loves.

“Stuart is a carpenter and uses sharp and sometimes dangerous tools.

“This was an unfortunate accident but these things happen all the time to people in his profession.”

It’s a relief to hear that they managed to reattach the organ.

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