Piping The Truth Into Your Brainballs!
Story published on July 5, 2009
Severed Penis Update
by Edgar Allan McAbe
Contrary to yesterday’s report that an unnamed man in Wantage cut off his own penis with a knife whilst drunk, the Telegraph has this morning identified the man as 54 year old carpenter Stuart Keen and they say a saw was used and not a knife.
According to the Telegraph the statement given by Thames Valley Police was inaccurate, Mr Keen was intoxicated but he was using a saw to perform a DIY task at his home workshop at around two o’clock in the morning when the accidental castration occurred. The paper quote Mr Keen’s elderly mother, Edna who told them:
“Stuart had a very nasty accident with a saw but he is recovering now.
“He suffered tissue damage and had surgery to stitch him up which, I understand, was successful.
“I have spoken to him and he is quite embarrassed about the whole incident. I was in Somerset when it happened and got a call from the hospital.
“Hopefully he will be home next week and be able to get back to work which he loves.
“Stuart is a carpenter and uses sharp and sometimes dangerous tools.
“This was an unfortunate accident but these things happen all the time to people in his profession.”
It’s a relief to hear that they managed to reattach the organ.
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