Yob Shits On Pensioners Doorstep

by Edgar Allan McAbe

A pensioner in Devon woke yesterday morning to find someone had deposited an oily loaf on her doorstep.

The woman who wishes to remain anonymous told the Sidmouth Herald how she almost stepped in the turd.

“How I wasn’t sick I don’t know. I’ve got a bad knee and a bad heart, having to scrub my doorstep on my own is a hard job for me.

“It’s just awful, I cleaned it up thinking it was dogs mess, but dogs don’t wipe their bums. There was soiled toilet paper near it and an entire roll in the bushes.

“I find it unbelievable. I’ve done nothing to anybody. Whoever did this must have meant it, who walks around with a toilet roll on them?”

A local police spokesman gave this statement.

“It (the turd) is being treated as human. We are investigating the incident and if anyone would like to contact us with information we would welcome it.

“People doing this sort of thing could be prosecuted for it and end up in court. The offence would be classed as anti-social behaviour, public disorder or even criminal damage. It can also be deemed abusive or threatening behaviour under section five of the public order act.”

The shitting took place on Windrush Rise, Ottery, Devon on Friday night/Saturday morning. Anyone with any information leading to the arrest of the shitter can contact Devonshire police on 08452 777444 and quote log number 553-20-06-09.

Comment

Read All Comments

Leave a comment:

FEATURES AND ARTICLES

Arse Wiping ~ A Brief History
Anyone remember Izal? The tracing paperesque bog roll which smeared rather than cleared excrement from the bunghole and felt like a demon kissing your anus?

Speak Your Brains
Have your say in our superb forum.

Competition
This month The Morningstarr* is giving away a swearing turtle!

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR LATEST NEWS HEADLINES VIA EMAIL

SIGNUP FOR EMAIL DELIVERY HERE:

POP CULTURE NEWS

Summer Glau Joins ‘The Cape’
Summer Glau, star of Firefly, The Sarah Connor Chronicles and Dollhouse has been signed up to play a lead role in NBC’s new superhero show The Cape.

Watch Kate Nash’s Brand New Video
Kate Nash is back on the music scene with a brand new album set for release next month.

Star Trek Hottie Joins Conan Cast
Rachel Nichols who played Gaila, the sexy, green-skinned alien in J.J. Abrams Star Trek has been cast as the female lead in the forthcoming Conan remake.

Yob Shits On Pensioners Doorstep

THE MORNINGSTARR* © 2006-2010