Yob Shits On Pensioners Doorstep

A pensioner in Devon woke yesterday morning to find someone had deposited an oily loaf on her doorstep.

The woman who wishes to remain anonymous told the Sidmouth Herald how she almost stepped in the turd.

“How I wasn’t sick I don’t know. I’ve got a bad knee and a bad heart, having to scrub my doorstep on my own is a hard job for me.

“It’s just awful, I cleaned it up thinking it was dogs mess, but dogs don’t wipe their bums. There was soiled toilet paper near it and an entire roll in the bushes.

“I find it unbelievable. I’ve done nothing to anybody. Whoever did this must have meant it, who walks around with a toilet roll on them?”

A local police spokesman gave this statement.

“It (the turd) is being treated as human. We are investigating the incident and if anyone would like to contact us with information we would welcome it.

“People doing this sort of thing could be prosecuted for it and end up in court. The offence would be classed as anti-social behaviour, public disorder or even criminal damage. It can also be deemed abusive or threatening behaviour under section five of the public order act.”

The shitting took place on Windrush Rise, Ottery, Devon on Friday night/Saturday morning. Anyone with any information leading to the arrest of the shitter can contact Devonshire police on 08452 777444 and quote log number 553-20-06-09.

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