I can sum this up in two short lines. I’ve been listening to the new Madonna album ‘Hard Candy’, and as the title suggests, it’s hard to swallow.
But that wouldn’t be fair on good ol’ Madge. Nor would have writting this on my first listen. I’ll explain…
I listened to this album on the bus to my real job in the morning. In the full hour running time, I went through a number of emotions for this, Madonna’s eleventh studio album. Now let’s not beat around the bush - if bush beating were a past time of mine - I’m not into this kind of music. I loved Madonna in the eighties (didn’t we all?) then my growing disinterest turned to loathing in the nineties, about the time of the ego-shagging snore-umentary, ‘In bed with Madonna’ came to light. That was until her triumphant return in 1998 with ‘Ray of Light’, and a carefully calculated collaboration with William Orbit (of the chewing gum, fame).
Slowly, I think she has been testing my patience, what with some gentle ego boosting from the likes of Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, not to mention Missy Elliot. Jees! What was all that about. I did, however, like the disco chic of ‘Confessions on a Dance Floor’ - there was something tongue-in-cheek about the whole thing…
But this one… This is something very different.
I accept the fact that in order to stay in vogue, Madonna needs to change her image. We all know it. And to be going to the ripe old age of fifty, as a queen of pop, you have to do some serious image alterations - not to mention cosmetic alterations… shhhh, she may hear… But I’m not sure if I understand the collaborations on this album.
Now I’m going to pinch from another review in this statement (from Heat Magazine, if you must know - but I just want to point out, I didn’t read it… I promise, and you can’t prove a thing). If I’d wanted to listen to a Timberland album, I’d have bought his. Never a truer word said, as this is essentially what this is.
As I already mentioned, I’m not into this kind of pop, but I can respect original music, done well - but I’m not sure if this falls into either of those. On first listen, I felt I would have to tip my hat (or Fedora, present situation in mind) to the fact that Madonna must be a real force in the music industry to be able to get all these people involved with her new album. They all must have had to drop some work from their busy schedules of whoring themselves to the media in order to give a helping hand. But then a second thought that occurred to me, this wasn’t Madonna rolling her freakishly-manlike fingers through her address book, picking up the phone and saying, “hey Kanye, you too busy to write a song with me?”. Oh no! This was Timberlands show.
There’s an ‘in-crowd’ in the music industry at the moment. You only have to watch any MTV music award to see who the hot-shite are at the minute, as they’re all the people playing live and give the awards to one another. And Timberland’s worked with all of them. He’s the one who picked up the phone and called all his ‘buddies’.
There is an almost ironic, eighties revival going on in the popular, rap world. With new, young up-and-coming rappers going all ‘old school’ for their sounds. I was expecting some of that in this, with Madonna going back to her eighties roots - of which there are a few beats and sounds that sound like their straight off the mix tapes of her first album. But not enough to raise my interest, I’m afraid.
I’m not sure why Madonna needs to have media whore Justin Timberlake on side to raise her credibility. I really don’t see why he’s held in such high regard. There are two kinds of talent in this world, those who have one, or those who have a talent for making you think they have one - don’t get me wrong, it’s a talent all in itself, but not the talent we’re being led to believe they have. It doesn’t bother me one bit, ‘a fool and his money…’ I always say. But surely a media savvy woman like Madonna can see that the only reason why anyone buys Justin Timberlake albums is because he falls into the latter of the two. The guy is a full time media whore! People believe that because we see him so much, he must be special. And we hardly see anyone more than him - I’m currently waiting to have JT billboards put on the back of my eyes, just so I can still see him when I sleep.
That said, it is a fine piece of what is current. But if you’re into that sort of thing, I’d recommend Timberlands album instead…
